Air Force OK'd to Fly Jets 100 Feet Above Boise

The F-35 will soon be flying a lot lower in Boise. This week the Idaho legislature struck a deal with the Air Force to fly the fighter jets as low as 100 feet over residential and city properties.

The Air Force has struck a deal with the State of Idaho this week, permitting them to fly F-35 Fighter Jets as low as 100 feet above ground.

The agreement, which won’t take effect until August 2019, will give fighter pilots free rein to fly at supersonic speeds above residential areas.

“Conducting supersonic low-flys above a populated area is the first step in establishing dominance,” Colonel Jimothy Sanders said. “Since Boise is roughly the size of an average Iranian city, we decided to move our war planning operations here.”

‘Supersonic’ describes speeds that travel faster than sound. Moving this fast in a fighter jet creates a very loud sonic boom.

“Every summer during the airshow I have to take all my chickens and my cats and lock them in the basement together,” Boise Bench resident Lou Phillips says. “The planes scare the buhjeezus [sic] out of them. The sounds are so loud that one time I dropped a freshy made bowl of fruit salad on the floor. Scared me half to death.”

The unprecedented measure is beginning to gain a lot of opposition. Especially since the State Legislature negotiated the deal in secret.

“The state went ahead and did closed-door meetings. They made no announcements, no nothing,” Phillips said.

When asked for details about the meeting, and what the city has to gain from the deal, the State had little to say.

“It’s top-secret stuff. I can’t speak to it,” Idaho State Legislature spokeswoman, Wanda Smith said. “I’ll have to refer you to the Air Force on these matters.”

“Well, what you’re getting is freedom,” Colonel Sanders said. “Those jets are the sound of freedom.”

Some residents are looking forward to the dry-runs, like 9-year-old Billy Douglas, “It’s gonna be cool. I like it.”

Sara Douglas, Billy’s 7-year-old sister, is on the opposition side. “They’re scary.”

When pressed about the resident’s concerns, Colonel Sanders emphasized Boise’s unique layout, “Boise is the perfect city size to do dry runs for targeted airstrikes and flight-intimidation.”

Full details of the program are yet to be released like the end date, the number of jets being flown, and the time of day of the dry-runs. While we await the details, the Air Force is working on its public relations to convince residents that the program is necessary.

“We haven’t even begun the flights and locals are already intimidated. Believe it or not, this is great news. If we’re scaring 7-year-old girls in Boise and we haven’t even begun flying, imagine how scared the 7-year-old girls in Yemen are feeling right now. It’s really a beautiful thing,” Colonel Sanders said. “It’s also the patriotic thing to do.”